Self-love
When love from outside can’t land until it lives inside
Ah… Valentine’s Day. Kind of a bittersweet feeling about it…
If you’re one of those people who’s with someone and living the dream, great. You probably love that day, or at least don’t feel triggered by it. For those who might be single, or in a relationship but still working things through… well, Valentine’s might not really speak to you. It might even trigger you. And for some, it simply feels like another commercial excuse to spend money.
Either way, I thought I’d share a little sneak peek from my upcoming e-book. I clearly cannot keep secrets 😄! Since my e-book will focus on the self, I want to talk about self-love, not romantic love.
Many of us look for love from the outside. But what I realized last year is this: if we can’t feel love for ourselves, love coming from outside often doesn’t land. Same with esteem, confidence, worth… These things don’t really sink in if we don’t believe them internally first.
So… let’s talk about self-love.
What is it?
Self-love is the active appreciation, care, and emotional warmth you direct toward yourself. It’s not just a feeling, it’s a relationship. Loving yourself means treating yourself with respect, protecting your energy, nourishing your needs, and forgiving your imperfections.
Without self-love, you can feel emotionally starved, chasing affection, settling for crumbs, or abandoning yourself to please others.
With self-love, you build an inner foundation from which healthier decisions, boundaries, and healing naturally grow.
Too little self-love can look like self-neglect or self-rejection.
Too much can sometimes drift into self-absorption or disconnection from others.
The sweet spot is something like: “I cherish myself as I am.”
What can interfere with self-love?
Lots of things, actually:
- Early rejection, bullying, or neglect
- Being valued mainly for pleasing others
- Media messages tying worth to appearance or status
- Growing up without emotional modeling of care or kindness
None of this is your fault. But healing it becomes your responsibility (gently, at your pace).
Here are some affirmations you can try on:
I am learning to love myself more every day.
I am worthy of love, especially my own.
I come home to myself with kindness.
If they don’t resonate yet, that’s okay. Seeds take time.
And here are a few practices you could try:
💌 “Love Letter” Ritual
Write yourself a heartfelt letter as if you were someone who truly loves you. Read it aloud. Keep it nearby. Revisit it monthly or on harder days. Over time, this voice becomes internal.
🌸 Date Yourself Day
Once a month, plan a solo date just for you. Dress how you like. Go where you want. Do what delights you. No performance, no pressure, just presence. You build intimacy with yourself this way.
🪞 Mirror Touch & Smile
Stand in front of a mirror. Place a hand on your cheek or heart. Smile gently and whisper: “I love you. I’ve got you.”
It might feel awkward at first, that’s totally normal. This kind of tenderness slowly softens shame.
Writing this reminds me I should practice it too. So my plan this Saturday is to carve out several hours and take myself on a little date, finally doing something I’ve wanted to do for a long time but never made time for!
What about you?
- Do you feel love toward yourself already?
- Do you sometimes struggle to even know what love feels like?
- Do you care for yourself the way you care for someone you love?
And if you don’t really know what love looks or feels like… I see you. I really do. I know what it’s like not to know. Last year was actually the first time I could truly look at myself in the mirror for several seconds and say “I love you”, and mean it.
So if it feels awkward or scary:
Be gentle. Don’t force it. Start where you are. Give yourself a hug. Go slowly.
I hope something here gently helps you turn toward yourself with softness.
And honestly… loving yourself first isn’t a trend or a phase. It’s a lifelong relationship.
And yes, you absolutely can build it.
🌱 If you’ve been struggling with your mental and emotional health, you’re not alone. I’m currently offering counselling sessions as a student counsellor, and I’d be honoured to support you on your path. Reach out anytime 🙂 Contact me
How to support my article: Like it ❤️ / Comment 🗣️ / Restack it! 🔄
