Regrets, No Regrets.

On trusting the decisions we made with the selves we were

People often talk about regrets. And I get it, there are so many things we could regret if we wanted to: things we didn’t do, things we did, things we should have done differently. But regret has never really resonated with me.

It’s not because my life has been perfect. It’s simply because at every moment of my life, I made the best decision I could with what I knew, with who I was, and with the nervous system I had at the time. Looking back, nothing else could have happened. I couldn’t have chosen differently because I wasn’t different yet.

Someone reminded me recently that I had said, at my brother’s wedding last year, that I regretted leaving France early because it meant leaving my younger brother behind when he was still young. That part is still tender. But overall? No, I don’t regret leaving. That decision shaped my entire life. I can’t imagine who I would be today otherwise, and honestly, I don’t spend time wondering “What if?”

I notice this especially when I hear about older people and the regrets they share. And yes, regret can be real and painful. But even then, I believe they made the choices that were possible for them at that point in time. We forget how limited we were by fear, circumstances, beliefs, and the lack of support we had back then. Nothing and no one could have changed their mind unless their whole life situation had been different, which is unrealistic.

So yes, I could regret many things. But deep down, I trust that I did the best I could, even when the choice wasn’t ideal. I don’t spend much time dwelling on the past or projecting myself too far into the future. Maybe that’s why regret is such a distant concept to me.

But if you’re reading this and feeling your own regrets, maybe this is a gentle invitation:

Is there something you can do now so you don’t regret it later?

Not from pressure. Not from perfectionism.

Just small steps. Realistic steps. Nervous-system-appropriate steps.

Life isn’t a competition. It’s not about money or productivity. It’s about living. Loving. Spending time with the people who matter. Healing if you’re hurting. And finding small joys where you can.

Bronnie Ware*, who worked in palliative care, shared the top five regrets of the dying:

I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.

I wish I had expressed my feelings more.

I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

I wish I had let myself be happier.

These are powerful invitations, not judgments.

And again, I could look at each of these and say, “Yes, I could regret that.”

But here’s the truth I keep coming back to:

Courage: I only have the courage I have. Pushing beyond my nervous system never ends well, and sometimes it’s just not possible yet.
Work: Like many, I’d love to have more money, but I can’t push myself beyond my limits for it. There were times when my health didn’t allow me to work, and times when I did jobs I didn’t enjoy. But I’ve always tried to follow my values more than the pursuit of money. And that’s why our relationship with money and lifestyle matters so much.
Feelings: I express my feelings often, and when I don’t, I trust there is a reason. Fear, timing, capacity, it all matters. Regret doesn’t change that.
Friendships: I reach out a lot. Maybe too much, and yet never quite enough for my own heart! If you want to reach out to someone today… maybe this is your sign.
Happiness: You can’t force happiness. If you’re depressed, struggling, healing, that’s not a failure. That’s life. There’s nothing to regret there.

So if you feel regret rising as you read this list, ask yourself gently:

What small thing can I do now to soften that regret, just a little?

Accidents happen at any age. Life isn’t guaranteed past tomorrow. And our health doesn’t magically improve as we age. So maybe now is the best time to choose a life you won’t feel sorry about later.

Not perfectly.
Not dramatically.
Just one small, honest step at a time.

*Bronnie Ware’s bio:

Bronnie Ware spent several years caring for dying people in their homes. Her full-length memoir, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, shares further wisdom from dying people and how Bronnie’s own life was transformed through this learning. It is available in 32 languages.http://bronnieware.com /regrets-of-the-dying @bronnie.ware for Instagram and Facebook

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